I just had oral sex for the first time in my life!
I know I blogged about how I like Trannies earlier, but long story short. I been having a fucking OCD with craigslist casual encounters. and finally made a posting yesterday since today is my birthday looking for a Tranny. one replied but was very vague.
I thought to self 'go out today', or maybe it was just a thought come up on its own. It's my b/d, wtf am I gonna do? every year same shit. stay home, jerk off to porn, and uh... just feel like shit about my existence.
So the tranny told me where she stays and she has an amazing thick ass in the pics. I really thought she was a hooker so I thought fuck it, I'm going anyway. went out to my tranny bar and had a bad experience there. was talking to this dude next to me about the 3 trannies near us, and winked at one of them. She waived for me to come to her, and I did. I was sooooooooooooooo nervous the whole time. I haven't been out in a long ass time and my PTSD was through the roof. I came over there chit chatting and told her 'you're drunk. you're wasted'. She got really fucking mad. made a gesture to leave, and then started cussing me out "faggot" across the bar, then I sat behind her at the table she kept saying "pale white boy. look at you, you see a girl you run" I was like damn how she know my fear of women and I started to feel very bad. Like I am already having a really hard time accepting myself, and what I look like. now this bitch telling me how bad I look and how pale. That really made me feel horrible inside. I felt like I started to get red and wanted to get a tan ASAP! I just looked in the bathroom mirror and I'm white as a ghost. It really is disgusting. It's like I'm sick or something. fuck!!!
So I told the dude I was chit chatting with I'm out and left. the Tranny, and I really wanted to fuck her btw, kept looking at me as I was walking away. she had another dude there now who bought her beer and was gonna give her a ride home. damn, I really am new at this whole social game, especially in the night at bars and clubs. I feel like a little baby who gets eaten by lions every time something like this happens. this guy knows exactly what he's doing and I'm making mistakes left and right and pay real high prices for it.
then I leave and go to a pickup bar but it's dead! it's around 1:30am and most people left. I don't even go in and call the tranny from cl. She tells me cross streets where she's at and I go to my car, and drive there. I get there, park, and she doesn't pick up. the place looks ghetto. the streets are vacant. all sorts of shit going through my mind. I get nervous and think she is an undercover cop. I txt her and finally get a txt back. 5 mins of waiting outside near trees so I won't get spotted and she opens a door. I get inside and think she gonna murder me or some shit with some people upstairs. I ask if she wanna go outside and talk. she goes no its okay let's go to my room. We get to her room. she lives in an apt she shares with family. she looked meh when I first see her, but when I get into her room I see her thickness, her curves, tits, and damn I'm like niiiice! We talk a lil and I ask her about her. She just wanna have fun, and not a hooker. I'm surprised, and lil bit more talk we start making out. I touch her legs and ass. I tell her I wanna see her naked. so she takes her clothes off as I do too.
The thing that really made it all weird is the dim lighting. it was a green light and very dim. I asked her to turn the lights on. she says that's as bright as they go. WTF!?!?!?! the whole time from the get go since we emailing it was like she got something to hide and acting weird. she wouldn't even wanna tongue kiss. I caress her body and start licking her tits. not gonna go into more details but long story short. we put condoms on and did a 69. it was... weird. I sucked a tranny's dick... with a condom on... meh... she started sucking mine, and the whole time even before she went down on me I was like 'careful, you'll make me cum' every time she'd touch my cock. so, about 15 seconds into her sucking me off... cuz I was doing it kinda half assed and also she said she cannot cum since she been on hormones for so long. she gotta have someone fuck her for like 30 mins in order to cum... I cum... I was like fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!! nooooooooooooo! I told her 'I hate cummin'. But when I cum, I feel disgusted. I feel like 'wtf am I doing here? I don't wanna be here. this is weird'. I keep apologizing but she says 'it's okay, it's okay. I gotta sleep anyway and wake up at 6 in the morning for work.
I leave her place and tell her 'I'll call you', not knowing whether or not that will be the case... I get in my car and... the only thoughts I have are... SEX IS DUSGUSTING!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!! IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drive home shocked and having different emotions run through me. on one hand this tranny cussing me out at a bar making me feel horrible about the whole experience, on the other hand this other tranny blew me and I came. that was my first sexual experience with ANYONE. she was still acting weird 'what type of things do you like to do with a guy?' her: ummm... everything... I'm like WTF!?!?!? what you mean? what do you want bitch!!!!????? she was vague the whole time like this.
I drove back home, parked, and spent 20 fucking minutes walking back and forth on my block. I couldn't believe it... THIS IS SEX!?!?!?!?!?!?? SICKENING!!!!!!!!!!!! DISGUSTING!!! I can't even imagine having sex with a woman and then impregnating her. wtf happened to all those years of me practicing Tantric sex. hours upon hours of masturbating sessions without me cumming and I cum in 15 seconds!?!?!? WTF!?!!?!!?!? I guess sex really is different then masturbation. my god. I couldn't think. I wanted to be outside... all the time. I couldn't come inside and kept thinking how disgusting sex is. I haven't even had sex technically, and still a virgin. but I bust my first nut inside a tranny's mouth with a condom, and had her cock inside my mouth with a condom as well. it was fucking bleeeeeeeehhhh. wtf? I don't get it. all those fantasies of watching tranny porn. I was so hard and turned on with that tranny, even though she was 15 years older than in her pics. her body was still banging though. AND THIS WAS SEX!?!?!?????
I just feel........ different. like something stroke a cord inside of me. why the fuck I chase or used to chase women in the streets? FOR THIS!?!!??!?! only to have sex and have some random bitch call me and tell me she's pregnant and to get my whole life of freedom ruined? FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even know if I want trannies anymore. sex is just DISGUSTING!!!!!!!! WTF!?!?!!?!?!??!!??? this is the strangest birthday I ever had, and ironically I have no one to share it with but my blog. I may share it with one dude at work who said he'll take me out and show me the ropes of the bar scene... he knows I like trannies too... he even knew I was a virgin too, but I had to lie. if we go hanging out tonight, I'll tell him everything.
but fuck me... SEX IS FUCKING DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS SICK, OVERRATED PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt as disgusted when I came as when I first came with semen. without semen nuts were amazing and fulfilling. once I came with cum for the first time, I felt disgusted and sick to my stomach. I didn't want to look at a woman or want to think about fucking her, and this was back before my tranny fetish when I was attracted to girls 100%. I felt the same way tonight.
I gotta wake up in 5 fucking hours and I had 3 fucking hours of sleep last night. But man this birthday I really went out with a bang. I just stopped giving a fuck anymore, so I went all out. I feel like I made progress, but not sure what to feel about this whole human experience any longer. I feel like this changed me somehow. I'm just not sure how, exactly. I guess I'll find that out tomorrow at work.
Peace
Monday, September 30, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
A Woman Approached me Today
Today, Friday, 9/20/13, I had a woman approach me for the first time in my life. in the 33 years of living on this planet, I have NEVER had a woman approach me, EVER!
What basically happened was this. On my way to work I get off the train and start walking upstairs to get to the street level. This blonde girl runs up beside me on the stairs, turns to her right and asks me "Excuse me, could you point me towards the direction of Target?" Before she asked me anything I thought "holy shit, is this what pick up is like for women?" I was watching the girl's body language from my peripheral, and thought "this looks like me approaching women but..." and boom she did it to me. Now at this point when she asks me this, I am so shocked I did not know what to do. In fact, I started to get really nervous as she opened me, possibly because she was nervous herself. I was so taken aback I did not know what to do or say so I just pointed towards where Target was. I could've said "where you from" or "what's your name?" or "you're cute" and she was cute btw. But she just caught me off guard.
I am still in shock that a woman would have the balls to approach a man in the street like that. Thank god they exist. I thought that all women are just a bunch of passive or passive aggressive little scary creatures. I guess that there are some out there that go after what they want. Glad to know...
What basically happened was this. On my way to work I get off the train and start walking upstairs to get to the street level. This blonde girl runs up beside me on the stairs, turns to her right and asks me "Excuse me, could you point me towards the direction of Target?" Before she asked me anything I thought "holy shit, is this what pick up is like for women?" I was watching the girl's body language from my peripheral, and thought "this looks like me approaching women but..." and boom she did it to me. Now at this point when she asks me this, I am so shocked I did not know what to do. In fact, I started to get really nervous as she opened me, possibly because she was nervous herself. I was so taken aback I did not know what to do or say so I just pointed towards where Target was. I could've said "where you from" or "what's your name?" or "you're cute" and she was cute btw. But she just caught me off guard.
I am still in shock that a woman would have the balls to approach a man in the street like that. Thank god they exist. I thought that all women are just a bunch of passive or passive aggressive little scary creatures. I guess that there are some out there that go after what they want. Glad to know...
Monday, September 16, 2013
FUCK BITCHES!
I have been feeling very angry lately. Reason? Women. And I wouldn't even call them that. I am more talking about BITCHES! Before I speak on what triggered this anger inside of me. Let's look at the list of the BITCHES at my job. These stupid ass raggedy ass HOES are the reason why I am so fucking mad right now and have been mad for several days since the 'love' girl triggered this moment.
BITCH #1 - Tall Black bitch. "Met" this bitch when I first started working at my job. Wouldn't even tell me her name when I asked her. The only reply was "Why?" while smiling. Like I am trying to hit on her as I was just trying to get to know everyone. Now she ignores me like I am some weirdo or a reject of society.
BITCH #2 - Lil Midget Latin bitch. Thought I was a customer as I was waiting for my co-worker to wrap up and go home. Lol... stupid ass bitch. She been ignoring me treating me like all the stuck up bitches treat me, like shit.
BITCH #3 - Miserable Skinny white bitch. This bitch has the worst vibe. She is negative, she is miserable, but most importantly she is "normal". As negative, as miserable, and as shady this bitch is... she hangs out with all the "normal" people at work. The sheep that get together and go out to bars, and hang out outside of work. I am 10x more positive than her, but am I ever invited? Nope. Not like I really want to hang out with most people at my old department, but you get the picture. This bitch been rude to me every time I tried talking to her; rolling her eyes at me while I am talking. Then this bitch has the nerve to tell me such and such customer is shady. I am standing there looking at her while thinking to myself... bitch... YOU'RE shady.. STFU!
BITCH #4 - The Ghetto Fake Ass Judgmental bitch. This bitch has been a bitch since the moment I met her. One day I wanted to switch with someone because I needed a day off. So my supervisor tells me to go to another department and ask so and so girl to ask her to switch with me. I go there and introduce myself while explaining the situation. Right away she gives me the "who the fuck are you?" vibe rolling her eyes at me. Funny thing is, my first impressions are always the right ones. Whatever impression you have on me the first time I meet you, that's who usually I end up dealing with in the end. If I don't listen to that intuition the first time, I usually end up being sorry. So, this bitch been a bitch since day 1. But I was kinda naïve since she is very extroverted and talks to everybody. I was trying hard talking to her before because it was easy as hell to chat with her. So, I thought that we had a connection. But in the end I learned that this bitch will talk to a homeless person who smells like a pile of shit if he lets her. She'll talk to anyone who is willing to listen to her bullshit. Every fucking time I asked her a question or called her name, she'd give me this strange vibe. And I could see it in her eyes she is constantly judging me. Like I will never be accepted by her type of "normal" people. The "normal" people who never invite me to anything and exclude me from all their parties and fun events, treating me like a fucking alien. But this bitch would talk to me whenever she wanna vent and talk about her STUPID BULLSHIT! Fuck this fake bitch! I ignore her 100% now, and don't even say hi to her. Walking around like a fucking evil cunt with her eyes that look like they're skimming something. Even my co-worker brought this up once whenever she was bitching... "ghetto ass bitch. why you leaving your customers and then complaining about how someone stole your sale?" LMAO! I thought I was the only one who saw that this bitch is shady as fuck. haha. FUCK THIS FAKE ASS BITCH! GO TO HELL, HOE! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! I DONT WANT YOU NEAR ME AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS SO I WILL NON-VERBALLY LET YOU KNOW TO GTFO whenever you come into my perimeter. Ghetto ass Fake ass bitch. FUCK OFF!!!
BITCH #5 - The Nice Bitch. This is the girl I blogged about a few entries back. The "I am in Love" with bitch. Now, I don't even know if she really is a bitch since I never even talked to her that much. But I tried to initiate a convo a few times and it went nowhere. And since she is part of the reason why this anger hit me, I am putting her on the bitch list. I remember once when me and my female coworker who is cool were joking around. This Nice Bitch shows up to clock me in. After doing so, she leaves. As she is leaving my female co-worker tells me "I don't like her". I ask her why. "She is fake". I am like okay, cool whatever, and didn't think much of it. But looking back, it makes more and more sense. The last time I saw her was when I was waiting for the elevator. I ask her a few questions, and it just felt awkward. The vibe was off, there was nothing I had in my mind to tell her. It was blank. I couldn't understand it. Then as we both get on the elevator it got even worse. Awkward moment of silence. I didn't say nothing. She didn't say nothing. Time slowed down by 20. I could see her in my peripheral vision looking to her right, away from me like "uh... this is awkward". As I get off the elevator... I tell her bye, as always. If I don't fucking initiate or say something, she doesn't. I got so fucking mad after that. I just got fucking pissed. WHY DO I ALWAYS GOTTA BE THE ONE TALKING!??!?! BITCH.... FUCK YOU!!! I was thinking "why was it so weird and awkward?" It was her, not me. It was her bitchy vibe that she put off where she just put up a wall for me to conquer and I was trying desperately to take that wall down just so I could have a moment with her.
What really made me even madder is that I looked like a desperate loser trying to get with her by constantly finding things to say, AND on top of that she knows I like her. Her bitch ass could just stand there silently and wait for her White Knight to come and find her. And that WK sure isn't me. But I was just really embarrassed more than anything. So, the question is... WHY THE FUCK I EVEN TALK TO HER? FUCK THAT BITCH!!!
BITCH #6 - The Locker Room bitch. This is the bitch that triggered this episode of anger. What REALLY made me fucking ANGRY is when I get to the locker room before going home. This happened a few days ago. I open the door, and there is a girl that works on a different floor getting ready to leave. I, being the "nice guy" that I am, greet her. She, being the stuck up BITCH that she is, looks at me and ignores me. At this point I want to fucking curse the bitch out and knock her fucking teeth out. I got so fucking fed up emotionally being nice to and dealing with these BITCHES that treat me like SHIT, I wanted to fucking snap right there. But of course, I didn't since I am a gentlemen and not crazy. Otherwise, I wouldn't be working here if I were.
By this point... I am just heated and ANGRY. So angry, that the only thing that is on my mind is... FUCK THESE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am at a place where I will stop being nice to women. And here is the most fucked up thing. When I act distant, ignore women, and be almost rude, they start to wonder and say hi to me, strike up convos, etc.. Shit is weird, but that's how it works. Like earlier today as I get to work, I got my ear buds on and completely ignore this girl I used to work with. As I am clocking in, she comes up to me and waves hi smiling. I am like.. WHAT.. THE... FUCK!?!?! She never is this nice to me. She is a straight up BITCH! But that was the first time I had my ear buds in not paying any attention to her and not giving a FUCK about the bitch.
So, from now on. All these stuck up BITCHES are going on my ignore list.
BITCH #1 - Tall Black bitch. "Met" this bitch when I first started working at my job. Wouldn't even tell me her name when I asked her. The only reply was "Why?" while smiling. Like I am trying to hit on her as I was just trying to get to know everyone. Now she ignores me like I am some weirdo or a reject of society.
BITCH #2 - Lil Midget Latin bitch. Thought I was a customer as I was waiting for my co-worker to wrap up and go home. Lol... stupid ass bitch. She been ignoring me treating me like all the stuck up bitches treat me, like shit.
BITCH #3 - Miserable Skinny white bitch. This bitch has the worst vibe. She is negative, she is miserable, but most importantly she is "normal". As negative, as miserable, and as shady this bitch is... she hangs out with all the "normal" people at work. The sheep that get together and go out to bars, and hang out outside of work. I am 10x more positive than her, but am I ever invited? Nope. Not like I really want to hang out with most people at my old department, but you get the picture. This bitch been rude to me every time I tried talking to her; rolling her eyes at me while I am talking. Then this bitch has the nerve to tell me such and such customer is shady. I am standing there looking at her while thinking to myself... bitch... YOU'RE shady.. STFU!
BITCH #4 - The Ghetto Fake Ass Judgmental bitch. This bitch has been a bitch since the moment I met her. One day I wanted to switch with someone because I needed a day off. So my supervisor tells me to go to another department and ask so and so girl to ask her to switch with me. I go there and introduce myself while explaining the situation. Right away she gives me the "who the fuck are you?" vibe rolling her eyes at me. Funny thing is, my first impressions are always the right ones. Whatever impression you have on me the first time I meet you, that's who usually I end up dealing with in the end. If I don't listen to that intuition the first time, I usually end up being sorry. So, this bitch been a bitch since day 1. But I was kinda naïve since she is very extroverted and talks to everybody. I was trying hard talking to her before because it was easy as hell to chat with her. So, I thought that we had a connection. But in the end I learned that this bitch will talk to a homeless person who smells like a pile of shit if he lets her. She'll talk to anyone who is willing to listen to her bullshit. Every fucking time I asked her a question or called her name, she'd give me this strange vibe. And I could see it in her eyes she is constantly judging me. Like I will never be accepted by her type of "normal" people. The "normal" people who never invite me to anything and exclude me from all their parties and fun events, treating me like a fucking alien. But this bitch would talk to me whenever she wanna vent and talk about her STUPID BULLSHIT! Fuck this fake bitch! I ignore her 100% now, and don't even say hi to her. Walking around like a fucking evil cunt with her eyes that look like they're skimming something. Even my co-worker brought this up once whenever she was bitching... "ghetto ass bitch. why you leaving your customers and then complaining about how someone stole your sale?" LMAO! I thought I was the only one who saw that this bitch is shady as fuck. haha. FUCK THIS FAKE ASS BITCH! GO TO HELL, HOE! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! I DONT WANT YOU NEAR ME AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS SO I WILL NON-VERBALLY LET YOU KNOW TO GTFO whenever you come into my perimeter. Ghetto ass Fake ass bitch. FUCK OFF!!!
BITCH #5 - The Nice Bitch. This is the girl I blogged about a few entries back. The "I am in Love" with bitch. Now, I don't even know if she really is a bitch since I never even talked to her that much. But I tried to initiate a convo a few times and it went nowhere. And since she is part of the reason why this anger hit me, I am putting her on the bitch list. I remember once when me and my female coworker who is cool were joking around. This Nice Bitch shows up to clock me in. After doing so, she leaves. As she is leaving my female co-worker tells me "I don't like her". I ask her why. "She is fake". I am like okay, cool whatever, and didn't think much of it. But looking back, it makes more and more sense. The last time I saw her was when I was waiting for the elevator. I ask her a few questions, and it just felt awkward. The vibe was off, there was nothing I had in my mind to tell her. It was blank. I couldn't understand it. Then as we both get on the elevator it got even worse. Awkward moment of silence. I didn't say nothing. She didn't say nothing. Time slowed down by 20. I could see her in my peripheral vision looking to her right, away from me like "uh... this is awkward". As I get off the elevator... I tell her bye, as always. If I don't fucking initiate or say something, she doesn't. I got so fucking mad after that. I just got fucking pissed. WHY DO I ALWAYS GOTTA BE THE ONE TALKING!??!?! BITCH.... FUCK YOU!!! I was thinking "why was it so weird and awkward?" It was her, not me. It was her bitchy vibe that she put off where she just put up a wall for me to conquer and I was trying desperately to take that wall down just so I could have a moment with her.
What really made me even madder is that I looked like a desperate loser trying to get with her by constantly finding things to say, AND on top of that she knows I like her. Her bitch ass could just stand there silently and wait for her White Knight to come and find her. And that WK sure isn't me. But I was just really embarrassed more than anything. So, the question is... WHY THE FUCK I EVEN TALK TO HER? FUCK THAT BITCH!!!
BITCH #6 - The Locker Room bitch. This is the bitch that triggered this episode of anger. What REALLY made me fucking ANGRY is when I get to the locker room before going home. This happened a few days ago. I open the door, and there is a girl that works on a different floor getting ready to leave. I, being the "nice guy" that I am, greet her. She, being the stuck up BITCH that she is, looks at me and ignores me. At this point I want to fucking curse the bitch out and knock her fucking teeth out. I got so fucking fed up emotionally being nice to and dealing with these BITCHES that treat me like SHIT, I wanted to fucking snap right there. But of course, I didn't since I am a gentlemen and not crazy. Otherwise, I wouldn't be working here if I were.
By this point... I am just heated and ANGRY. So angry, that the only thing that is on my mind is... FUCK THESE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am at a place where I will stop being nice to women. And here is the most fucked up thing. When I act distant, ignore women, and be almost rude, they start to wonder and say hi to me, strike up convos, etc.. Shit is weird, but that's how it works. Like earlier today as I get to work, I got my ear buds on and completely ignore this girl I used to work with. As I am clocking in, she comes up to me and waves hi smiling. I am like.. WHAT.. THE... FUCK!?!?! She never is this nice to me. She is a straight up BITCH! But that was the first time I had my ear buds in not paying any attention to her and not giving a FUCK about the bitch.
So, from now on. All these stuck up BITCHES are going on my ignore list.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
The BEST Song of 2013
right here.
and I don't even like most of her songs...
Love this so much, bought the mp3 on amazon.com
and I don't even like most of her songs...
Love this so much, bought the mp3 on amazon.com
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
"You look like..."
So people been telling me different things. A few years back a girl I worked with said I look like Adrien Brody. Then a little bit more than half a year ago, one girl tells me I look like Joseph Gorden-Levvit (one gay guy told me the same thing, btw no homo). Then recently I had 2 gay customers at work from Middle East tell me I look like Lionel Messi, the soccer player. Now, about a week ago I was eating at a mall and this Asian guy with his family and kids tells me I look like Paul Dano. WTF!!?!?!?
Seems like I look like 20 different people to 20 different individuals I meet. Either way, I don't know who to believe because none of these comparisons ever helped me to get laid, or maybe I just haven't tried hard enough...
Seems like I look like 20 different people to 20 different individuals I meet. Either way, I don't know who to believe because none of these comparisons ever helped me to get laid, or maybe I just haven't tried hard enough...
Monday, September 2, 2013
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