the chapter is now officially CLOSED. haha!
so I am going home. I get to BART and guess who is at the station... yep. So, at first I wasn't even going to talk to her cuz I got so nervous. But the train was coming right away as I saw her and as I get to the train doors, she sees me and is getting into the same ones. Keep in mind, I wasn't supposed to work today but was scheduled there for some reason.
I said hey, she said hey. Then I became quiet. Everything told me to go talk to her. So, we get in and she picks a seat that is next to some dude. There was no other seats available. I come up to her and just started talking. Now... I ask her what she did for the valintines day... she goes "oh... nothing... worked... and hung out with my b/f" haha! I was like ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit!! I was actually gonna tease her and ask her out to lunch. But I felt this big weight just lifted off my shoulder like PHEEWWWWWWWWWWWW... Now I dont gotta ever worry about talking to her EVER again. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! we talked about all sorts of shit for the remainder of the 10 minute ride home. and she the convo got dead at the end right before my stop. I just said alright see ya later, blah blah, my stop is next. and she said ok...
I am going out tonight with my co-worker friend who was actually guiding me throughout the whole process and kept encouraging me to talk to her. I just hope he won't be like "nah man, it dont matter she gotta b/f. you should keep talking to her". cuz if thats what he'll say id be like pissed off.
I am just glad this is over and I dont ever have to date ANYONE from work. no more of this bullshit for me. I will NEVER try talking to any co-workers because I got WAY TOO MANY skeletons in my closet and I dont want ANYONE in my work place knowing about them. that is all.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Palestinian girl, take 3
okay so today, Saturday, I start work. open both registers at 9:30 and I keep thinking about this girl, because I KNOW she is upstairs when she comes in around 10am. I know I shouldnt care and stop thinking so much, but that's just how I am. I think and over analize everything. So, all of the sudden I see her going to the bathroom in a distance.
I was like OH SHIIIIIIIT. fear kicks in right away. I get all discouraged, and go walk towards another counter with no people at it. was thinking of just staying there like a pussy and wait till she comes out and leaves. but then decided to just walk back and face my fears. I dont know why but my fear with her gets SOOOOOOOO intense, I feel like running away as far as I can.
There is barely any people around and it's about 11:15ish am. maybe about 2-3 customers on the floor. then as I am behind my register looking straight into the distance, she comes walking by from the left... i look over, and she is looking right at me "hey, you still work here?" and engaged me. we talked for about 5 minutes and I was gonna ask her whatever happened to that lunch we were gonna go on but a customer came with a question, and she left.
I talk to my co worker and he was like 'I TOLD YOU!!! don't even think about her. let her come to you. she just dont want you to be talking to her in front of all her co workers and have everybody talking gossip about you 2'... so that's what im gonna do. and he was right all along.
i just got my proof that she does like me. just not really sure what will come out of this. more on this soon if anything else happens.
I was like OH SHIIIIIIIT. fear kicks in right away. I get all discouraged, and go walk towards another counter with no people at it. was thinking of just staying there like a pussy and wait till she comes out and leaves. but then decided to just walk back and face my fears. I dont know why but my fear with her gets SOOOOOOOO intense, I feel like running away as far as I can.
There is barely any people around and it's about 11:15ish am. maybe about 2-3 customers on the floor. then as I am behind my register looking straight into the distance, she comes walking by from the left... i look over, and she is looking right at me "hey, you still work here?" and engaged me. we talked for about 5 minutes and I was gonna ask her whatever happened to that lunch we were gonna go on but a customer came with a question, and she left.
I talk to my co worker and he was like 'I TOLD YOU!!! don't even think about her. let her come to you. she just dont want you to be talking to her in front of all her co workers and have everybody talking gossip about you 2'... so that's what im gonna do. and he was right all along.
i just got my proof that she does like me. just not really sure what will come out of this. more on this soon if anything else happens.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Shout outs
shout out to the last person commented on my blog about a Palestinian girl. you right, most people probably are forgiving. but I just get lost in my emotions and run as far away from them as I can. then I wonder why am i all alone..
shout out to paz. the biggest and best advice i can give you right now is this. stop masterbating until your body and your mind feel hot again. if you get horny for whatever reason, then get back into it. trust me, you will ruin your sex life if you keep at it. it happened to me until i stopped having orgasms. i cum but i dont feel SHIT! i think it's partially because of my emotions and my problems, but too much masterbation mos def contributed to it. if you ever master a lot, i would highly suggest to practice tantra. that means NO CUMMING for as long as you can. then at some point, no cumming at all unless it happens by accident. it's probably one of the hardest things youll do, but imo it will safe your sex organ from busting too many nuts until it runs out of steam. again, i dont know. maybe it won't happen to you. but from all the problems you've had with people and in life, you just as emotionally fucked up as i am. so yeah, take my advice or not. it's up to you.
shout out to other people coming to my blog and giving me life advices and stuff. it helps, and is encouraging. thanks. i need that sometimes.
shout out to my only friend at work who is my co worker, but he is distant just like everybody else. you're cool peoples, and i think you have the same spirit as me. but you just dont know it.
shout out to all the haters. thanks for your attention. it really mean a lot when you come in and hate on my blog. it makes me feel special that someone actually cares about vising my site. i feel very lonely but when you drop your negativity it makes me feel like i have friends after all.
shout out to all the other people and beings in the universe, good or bad. you are all here for your own reasons. whether it's to kill some people, or heal some people. you are part of nature, and part of cosmos. you are all meant to be here and do your own deeds, good or bad.
shout out to my power animal, my totem, my buddy, my non-physical best friend. I LOVE YOU!!! and I can say that I have NEVER loved ANYONE this time around. but I LOVE YOU! because I know about who you are, I know about who I am so much more and understand myself.
shout out to my Goddess, you know who you are. Thank you for coming into my life and into my world. I would have never known that you were there with me from the start when I had NO ONE. you sent me friends that werent human. they were my only friends when I had NO ONE. I LOVE YOU, Goddess. I will always have a special place for you in my heart.
shout out to all the rest of the beings out there. all my spirit guides, all my ancestors that have passed on and watching me and who I have NEVER met in this lifetime. My grandpas that I never seen, except for the one on my father's side, who passed 14 days after my birth. But I dont remember anything before the age of about 5 so...
shout out to all the male ancestors and grandpas, great grandpas that I have never met. I have never met ANY of you. none of the males. this is why I have the problems that I have, and that's okay. I chose this path, and I chose this life. this I know now.
shout out to my crystal friends. i know you are all real.
shout out to Ayayuasca and all the Jungles across the world in which people go on journeys with you. I want to experience you at least once before this or maybe my next lifetimes if I dont get to you this time.
shout out to Magic Mushrooms, which I want to take. they cure PTSD or at least make you a lot better. make you enjoy life, and make you more happy. I really really really want to take you in a Shamanic ceremony. but I just haven't found a teacher yet. maybe I will, or maybe he will find me.
shout out to myself. I want to thank myself for pushing my fears, even though not consistently. but I know that many guys wouldn't DARE do what I have done ALONE. doing it in groups with other guys is one thing but... when I do it ALONE... I feel amazing. yes, myself doesn't do this all the time. but that is one thing I need to work on.
shout to the rest I haven't gotten to, but I am getting tired so I will go play some LoL as my candles are burning on my altar.
Peace & Love everybody, and many blessings.
shout out to paz. the biggest and best advice i can give you right now is this. stop masterbating until your body and your mind feel hot again. if you get horny for whatever reason, then get back into it. trust me, you will ruin your sex life if you keep at it. it happened to me until i stopped having orgasms. i cum but i dont feel SHIT! i think it's partially because of my emotions and my problems, but too much masterbation mos def contributed to it. if you ever master a lot, i would highly suggest to practice tantra. that means NO CUMMING for as long as you can. then at some point, no cumming at all unless it happens by accident. it's probably one of the hardest things youll do, but imo it will safe your sex organ from busting too many nuts until it runs out of steam. again, i dont know. maybe it won't happen to you. but from all the problems you've had with people and in life, you just as emotionally fucked up as i am. so yeah, take my advice or not. it's up to you.
shout out to other people coming to my blog and giving me life advices and stuff. it helps, and is encouraging. thanks. i need that sometimes.
shout out to my only friend at work who is my co worker, but he is distant just like everybody else. you're cool peoples, and i think you have the same spirit as me. but you just dont know it.
shout out to all the haters. thanks for your attention. it really mean a lot when you come in and hate on my blog. it makes me feel special that someone actually cares about vising my site. i feel very lonely but when you drop your negativity it makes me feel like i have friends after all.
shout out to all the other people and beings in the universe, good or bad. you are all here for your own reasons. whether it's to kill some people, or heal some people. you are part of nature, and part of cosmos. you are all meant to be here and do your own deeds, good or bad.
shout out to my power animal, my totem, my buddy, my non-physical best friend. I LOVE YOU!!! and I can say that I have NEVER loved ANYONE this time around. but I LOVE YOU! because I know about who you are, I know about who I am so much more and understand myself.
shout out to my Goddess, you know who you are. Thank you for coming into my life and into my world. I would have never known that you were there with me from the start when I had NO ONE. you sent me friends that werent human. they were my only friends when I had NO ONE. I LOVE YOU, Goddess. I will always have a special place for you in my heart.
shout out to all the rest of the beings out there. all my spirit guides, all my ancestors that have passed on and watching me and who I have NEVER met in this lifetime. My grandpas that I never seen, except for the one on my father's side, who passed 14 days after my birth. But I dont remember anything before the age of about 5 so...
shout out to all the male ancestors and grandpas, great grandpas that I have never met. I have never met ANY of you. none of the males. this is why I have the problems that I have, and that's okay. I chose this path, and I chose this life. this I know now.
shout out to my crystal friends. i know you are all real.
shout out to Ayayuasca and all the Jungles across the world in which people go on journeys with you. I want to experience you at least once before this or maybe my next lifetimes if I dont get to you this time.
shout out to Magic Mushrooms, which I want to take. they cure PTSD or at least make you a lot better. make you enjoy life, and make you more happy. I really really really want to take you in a Shamanic ceremony. but I just haven't found a teacher yet. maybe I will, or maybe he will find me.
shout out to myself. I want to thank myself for pushing my fears, even though not consistently. but I know that many guys wouldn't DARE do what I have done ALONE. doing it in groups with other guys is one thing but... when I do it ALONE... I feel amazing. yes, myself doesn't do this all the time. but that is one thing I need to work on.
shout to the rest I haven't gotten to, but I am getting tired so I will go play some LoL as my candles are burning on my altar.
Peace & Love everybody, and many blessings.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Palestinian girl, take 2
it's really funny. I just checked my blog and it's been 3 months since that whole episode with the girl happened. but here is what happened afterwards...
when she was acting weird and i scheduled a date for the NEXT saturday, and the next saturday actually came. I came there looking for her but she wasn't there. when I came back again, she was acting weird again, and i looked like a complete IDIOT!!!!!!! talking about lunch and all that shit IN FRONT OF ALL HER CO-WORKERS. it was THE most emberrasing moment in a LOOOONG time. in fact, it took me back to college when I first started talking to women. what else can I say, it was totally all my fault and I did this out of fear.
After that I split and never been in that department since. i completely gave up on talking to her or ANY female co-workers. one of the reasons was this: i didnt want anyone knowing all my skeletons in my closet. cuz once one girl finds out, her whole department may know if she tells them that the date was boring, i was quiet, awkward, etc..
you think that was bad? well, it gets better. I have a co-worker and he actually likes this OTHER girl that works in the Palestinian girl's department. he did the whole Ricko Suave shit and they are hanging out, talking on the phone, etc.. now. now this girl he hanging with is friends with the Palestinian girl. and my co-worker tells me that whenever my girl comes down to our floor, instead of her going the path to avoid the counter where I and everyone else stands, she walks by the counter to see who is there. I of course am never there when this happens. and he keeps trying to convince me to go talk to her. now, of couse I won't go there EVER again since EVERYONE knows my face and who I am now (fucking emberrasing I tell you). but all this preasure and indication that she is interested got me thinking of just talking to her when she comes by and I'm there.
but it gets even better.. I AM REALLY NERVOUS AROUND HER! in fact, she takes me back to college days and i run out of words to say and act weird and shit. like for example, i used to 'save' different topics for an actual 'date'. like if i think of 12/21/2012 and it is next week, i see the girl, i wouldnt say nothing and just wait until we actually hang out, which never ever happened, and THEN id think 'thats when i would talk about it, so i wouldnt run out of things to say'. and thats another reason why i avoided this girl like the plague. but all this preasure and information about her got me EVEN MORE NERVOUS talking to her. so everytime im on my floor i cant stop thinking about it and it is driving me crazy.
i dont really know whats gonna happen but i am nervous as i type this.
another thing is, my co-worker has a lot of experience with women and in life. but i am the opposite. so, his girl may think that i am similar and tell my girl about how amazing, awesome, and fun her guy is, and my girl probably thinks the same about me which is the complete opposite.
either way, i will post whatever outcome occurs. but i really almost dont want nothing to happen because of all my life problems and me being scared revealing all this bullshit to her, and then have her eventually leave me and tell all her co-workers how much clueless, friendless, and whatever others things I am. thats the scarriest part to me. one department knowing about me, or ANYONE for that matter.
when she was acting weird and i scheduled a date for the NEXT saturday, and the next saturday actually came. I came there looking for her but she wasn't there. when I came back again, she was acting weird again, and i looked like a complete IDIOT!!!!!!! talking about lunch and all that shit IN FRONT OF ALL HER CO-WORKERS. it was THE most emberrasing moment in a LOOOONG time. in fact, it took me back to college when I first started talking to women. what else can I say, it was totally all my fault and I did this out of fear.
After that I split and never been in that department since. i completely gave up on talking to her or ANY female co-workers. one of the reasons was this: i didnt want anyone knowing all my skeletons in my closet. cuz once one girl finds out, her whole department may know if she tells them that the date was boring, i was quiet, awkward, etc..
you think that was bad? well, it gets better. I have a co-worker and he actually likes this OTHER girl that works in the Palestinian girl's department. he did the whole Ricko Suave shit and they are hanging out, talking on the phone, etc.. now. now this girl he hanging with is friends with the Palestinian girl. and my co-worker tells me that whenever my girl comes down to our floor, instead of her going the path to avoid the counter where I and everyone else stands, she walks by the counter to see who is there. I of course am never there when this happens. and he keeps trying to convince me to go talk to her. now, of couse I won't go there EVER again since EVERYONE knows my face and who I am now (fucking emberrasing I tell you). but all this preasure and indication that she is interested got me thinking of just talking to her when she comes by and I'm there.
but it gets even better.. I AM REALLY NERVOUS AROUND HER! in fact, she takes me back to college days and i run out of words to say and act weird and shit. like for example, i used to 'save' different topics for an actual 'date'. like if i think of 12/21/2012 and it is next week, i see the girl, i wouldnt say nothing and just wait until we actually hang out, which never ever happened, and THEN id think 'thats when i would talk about it, so i wouldnt run out of things to say'. and thats another reason why i avoided this girl like the plague. but all this preasure and information about her got me EVEN MORE NERVOUS talking to her. so everytime im on my floor i cant stop thinking about it and it is driving me crazy.
i dont really know whats gonna happen but i am nervous as i type this.
another thing is, my co-worker has a lot of experience with women and in life. but i am the opposite. so, his girl may think that i am similar and tell my girl about how amazing, awesome, and fun her guy is, and my girl probably thinks the same about me which is the complete opposite.
either way, i will post whatever outcome occurs. but i really almost dont want nothing to happen because of all my life problems and me being scared revealing all this bullshit to her, and then have her eventually leave me and tell all her co-workers how much clueless, friendless, and whatever others things I am. thats the scarriest part to me. one department knowing about me, or ANYONE for that matter.
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