I can't sleep... again... even thought I had 3 consecutive nights of sleep, and was just thinking about quitting my job. In this messed up economy I wanna quit my job. Can you believe that? They use me, abuse me.. I'm the "data entry guy". We got people who came there months after me and they already doing some advanced stuff, when I am the copy/paste guy. I understand I'm the fastest with typing but.. WTF!?!?!
but the point of this blog is... I got no girl, no friends, and not even a soul to call to and be like... "yo... my day went like this.. this that and the other happened... what about you?" not even a miserable fuck like myself to call. Jesus Christ, what will happen to me? Will I die alone?
I have had worst luck with things ever since I moved to LA. My health is going down hill. As a result of my job and doing data entry 8 hours a day, and I mean INTENSE data entry. They want things done quick and I am the guy for the job, I have a bone that grew on my wrist, my hands hurt on top and I feel bad in my bones. I turn 31 in a few days, so will I have fucked up hands with arthritis by the time I'm 35???
Moving sucks.. really badly. It is by far the hardest thing I ever done in life.. one of anyway. Not the moving itself, but finding a place. I haven't really taken it seriously cuz I am using tools provided by this Shaman I saw and see if things get better which they have a lil, but she never even called me back. I hope she is busy and not just leaving me hanging like every other person in my life.
You know.. I have come far. Being negative to being positive, and accepting myself maybe not 100% fully but more than I ever had. But I am still in a rut and it is HARD AS HELL to get out of it. It's like being in a ghetto. It takes an ENORMOUS amount of will power, and intensity to get out when every single force in the Universe is doing everything to keep you there.
I don't even use my PC most of the time at home. I want my hands rested cuz they hurt. 2 of my teeth are fucked up cuz this dentist screwed me up. I can't chew on them and couldn't since like March. Already spent 1g on fixing teeth, now I probably will have to spend more than that getting them repaired. ahh.. there goes my savings money I saved up. if I listed all my problems... I wouldn't even want to actually. too much stuff going on, and not a soul to tell about it. Mom pops lives right here in same city, and he doesn't even know what is going on with me. Fuck my life. BUT.... I will think positive and look for solutions to fix all this craziness. I have to, or things will get even worse.
7 comments:
i think you need to move to the east coast out here with me. it's not bad. try nyc, pa, jersey. the northeast. california aint good. i heard about there, fam. i dunno if you're looking for people of your ethnicity but theres a lot of them over here. you need somewhere that will accept you for you and will make you have shit to do. move out here, dude.
dude.. moving... is... hard!! esp. to another city. you almost need a friend/relative who'll let you stay w/ them for a month or few till you get a job and situated. and this includes you paying rent to them most times. but ty for an invite. ill keep that in mind.
p.s. did you get my emails?
yeah.... i did. i just peeped my email awhile ago. mayne... i'm hesitant with that though. you know... it's not that i don't want too, it's that i'm actually afraid.. it's like my thinking is so fucked up where just changing a bit equates to me thinking that something's bad is going to happen to me. nawmean??? it's something that i'm trying to get over so i can move forward with shit. like i'm trying to learn how to just understand that i can't control everything and that not everything that goes to shit is my fault. when i can do that, then i'll be fine.
Interesting blog! I'm a poor destitute WoW addict & have played on many private servers! Played on WoWscape too. So I had to post you this link after reading your bit about Peyton. Have you seen this yet? http://www.rfcexpress.com/lawsuit.asp?ID=51340
And you are not going to be alone forever. You are just having major life changes and you must be careful...major life changes put you at risk for depression and depressive related illness such as anxiety, GI problems, skin disorders, itching/rashes, and a lowered immune system (viruses, colds, flu.)
Take care of yourself and realize you are doing a VERY hard thing. New home, left old friends, new job, loneliness, no support system/trusted friends to talk to.
Be easy on yourself.
Good luck.
Karen
another thing i wanna say which i thought about. stop isolating yourself. there's plenty of groups and people with similar interest as yourself where you live. you need to let your guard down. i'm sure there's people looking for somebody to connect with. do you have a facebook?
thanks Karen. yeah, I saw that lawsuit. Peyton got pwned. I wonder if they used my blog as evidence in courtroom, haha.
and fuck facebook! im already on spiritual sites that are alike. it's people like me, many of which are even deeper into spirituality.
happy birthday, mayne.
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