My living situation sucks

I really don't understand. Ever since I came to LA i haven't been able to find a place with peace and quiet. I have given up on getting sleep completely.

My first place I moved to was nothing but chaos. It was a nut house with a baby crying every night, and hell, every hour during the day or more. There were illegal activities going on that I first wasn't aware of. I really didn't feel safe in that house.

The second place was cool for a while, after a month or so I had this bitch roommate move in and things started to look upside down. Wake up every morning 6am with him showering, the shower was right next to my room. Chaos, noise, can't sleep. I'd get 2-3 hours a sleep per night, 5 if I'm lucky.

The 3rd place. Baby crying every night, yeah I was that naive to move in with some guy who was just using me and being nice to me the whole time. The parents fighting every damn day. It was total chaos. I also think there were illegal activities going on in that house because the parents were potheads. When you dealing with real potheads, there will be other drugs involved.


Now the place I'm living now is... nothing but chaos. Even though I found some peace. And I'm talking about the type of peace where there is no drama, no one breaking the law right in front of you or behind your back, no one using you for money or being deceitful, etc.. I do appreciate this peace, but it doesn't last that long before the chaos comes and ruins it all. The chaos here is real.

Every night I have to wear earplugs because if I don't I'll be awoken by weird noises in the walls. Some sort of clicks that would go off every hour, 2 or 3. Some days they are as frequently as every 30 minutes. The first night I spent here it scared the shit outta me. Think somebody knocking on a door real loud just once. It would wake a ghost. Speaking of ghosts, could it be??? I don't know, but I am that paranoid right now. I need ear plugs every night or I'll be awoken every hour.

I have my own place but I still feel I got roommates. I got some rude ass neighbors who are too blind to realize they are causing the chaos by walking like dinosaurs. OMG... every night until 2am.. BAM BAM BAM....... BAM .... BAM BAM BAM BAM BAMMM... the whole apartment shakes, and yes I still dont have a bed, and I feel it really heavy when I sleep on the floor. But I feel it just sitting in my chair. It's just insane. I'm like... DUDE.. DO YOU NOT REALIZE YOU ARE FUCKING LOUD AND YOU DISTURB ALL THE NEIGHBORS AROUND YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING FAGGOT!!?!?!?!!? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!! I had my manager come out and talk to everyone. Actually, I came and knocked on everybody's door around my apartment first when last weekend I heard this huge loud bang.. it was as if somebody took a 300lb rock and dropped it on the floor. I was like WTFFFFFFFF!?!?!?!? AR EYOU SERIOUS THIS SHIT IS TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I knocked on my neighbor's door he said he heard it too but manager won't listen. I told him I'll talk to her right now and after talking to a few more people she came out talking to everyone and shit. He left his apt so most people said they didn't hear it or if they did it doesnt bother them. I ended up looking like a dumb ass with her walking away like "it's all you, youre too sensetive" FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU JUST SPEWING MY OWN WORDS BACK AT ME WHEN THERE IS A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE GOING ON IN THIS BITCH. YOU DONT LIVE HERE YOU SLUT, YOU ALL THE WAY BACK THERE WITH PEACE WHILE I GOTTA PUT UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT! FUCK YOUU!!!

OMG.. and I also forgot to add the part of my neighbors who coughs.. He coughs so loud, the whole house shakes. He coughs so loud, I hear him loud and clear with my earplugs. I don't know if it's health condition but.. FUCK YOU!!! I AM NOT YOUR WIFE WHERE I GOTTA GEAR THIS SHIT AND PUT UP WITH! GO.. TO HEEEELLL YOU FUCKING CUNT!!! AND STAY THERE! I haven't heard him in a few days but that could be because he maybe went to a vacation for the 4th of july? I dont know, but I sure hate that fuck with passion.

Man.. I don't know what to do anymore. I pay $700 per month for this shit. I can't take it anymore. Some days I wonder why I was meant to go through this bullshit when I got enough issues of my own. I don't even have enough energy to have a hobby or do something I want to on my own because all this chaos just reminds me of how fucked up my environment is, and it's not going away. I signed a 9 month lease for this shit hole. I talked to her about switching apartments but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Probably thinks ill find faults in the new place too but fuck that. I am not lying about this bullshit. I'm just tired emotionally where I can't even get away in my own place. I gotta deal with other peoples' energies when I'm not even around them. Life sucks so bad for me right now I can't express how hopeless I feel when it comes to not just making friends, having a normal life, being happy, etc.. but to actually going home every night thinking how nice it is and how quiet and peaceful it is from a long day of work. fuck me.. I guess I was destined to be a fucked up mess everywhere I go. I do affirmations, stay positive, listen to positive music, always appreciate shit in life, etc.. but it brings me nothing but craziness.

I guess sometimes you just can't escape your environment and gotta put up with the bullshit that is thrown your way until you have an opening of gtfo. fuck my life. it's 2:38am in the morning and I gotta wake up at 7am. Now I'll wake up at 7:30 and not meditate. fuck... I been meditating like 2-3 times per week. I missed 1 week of meditations last week and done it like once a week for some weeks of the month.

I dont know what else to say.