Weed vs. Meditation

so this morning was gonna decide whether or not I smoke weed after I'm done with what I got left. I was gonna see if I can meditate while I get high and... NOPE. 5 mins into it I stop cuz I get this real heavy feeling in my chest. it's a body high and I gotta stop it gets so heavy I freak out. it's mos def this weed because without being high I dont trip out and finish the whole sitting even if i get bored or going nowhere in my mind.

so I'm just gonna finish all of what i got left today, and it is a lot for me to smoke at once, I'm done with weed.

*crosses fingers that he won't try to get some more in a few months*

20 mins Meditations

so a few days ago I was playing with my I Ching and the answer I got was something like... "meditate every day to get rid of all the poison of the mind, even if it's just 10-15 minutes. that is the best way to be close to the sage." now.. there was lots of other stuff but point being, I really need to shorten my meditations. When I sit there for 30 mins it is almost torture for me. and as a result I start to day dream and go to places in my mind instead of trying to keep it on my breath. also, my legs get numb at the end from sitting and I just feel like it's a little too much for me sometimes. other times, I waste an hour just to get to meditation because it takes so much energy to actually sit down and start.

So, I'm shortening it to 20 minutes and am really really really gonna try to focus and be one with the Universe. did it last night and it felt awesome. Just knowing I don't have the whole 30 mins makes me try harder instead of being in my own lala land knowing I got tons of time in one sitting.

just turned 80

oh man. it's almost unbelievable. I finally turned 80 over the weekend. check me out son



if you fuck with me, I'll kill you!



this is just a beginning bitches

The Reality As You Know It Does Not Exist

Just found this great short film on youtube. I really need to stop getting high and start to meditate every morning or night.

I am one paranoid ass mother fucker

Man.. I swear. I am the most paranoid person I know. I worry about so much shit. I always look and make sure there is light or a little bit of it I can see before I go to bed. I worry about my roommate and that he's involved in some illegal shit. even though he has a kid but i fucking lived at my last place where a 2 year old kid was there and it was a fucking drug house with people always smoking reefer 24/7.

these guys are potheads, and they are parents too. always fighting and shit. makes me all paranoid. I really dont like all this drama.

Weed sux. When I smoke it, I don't do shit that I should be doing. I had to go out and do laundry today, and also shower before 8 and meditate! I havent meditated in 2 days cuz i been getting high. Man... my roommate always offering me too. It's tempting, but when I get high I don't do shit that I should. Fuck weed! I'm gonna smoke the rest next weekend and not smoke again for a while. It's a waste of money for me atm.

I gotta go to a hospital and find a dentist. My health insurance kicked in I think and I wanna cancel it after getting a physical and doing cleaning on my teeth. Man my eyes always itching cuz I got allergies, my noise always got nasty mucus in it to empty, and my ass got a fucking lump in it. I need to see a doc and I'm worried and shit. I also break out and I need to use lotion in order not to itch or have broken skin and shit. WTF!?!?!?!?! is this cuz of LA atmosphere and dry moisture or some shit? fuck me. i'm too lazy to put lotion so I do it till i break out and start itching all over.

I'm gonna go shower now. Fuck this blog and fuck weed!!!

Astral Projection Dream?

So this morning I woke up but couldn't remember what I dreamed. And I KNEW I had some sort of a dream. Then later on at work it hit me. It was a dream in which I entered my last house I lived in, which is right next door over, and I saw that my room is still empty without anyone living there. It was just as I leaved with the room being empty, bed being the way it is with white sheets I purchased covered with a warm thick blanket they provided me.

Now I don't know if this was really me astral projecting because I meditate right before I go to bed, but it felt like a dream. If it was astral travel, I can say it was my first. At least the one I'm aware of. I remember watching youtube videos on Astral Projection and one of them said that it feels like it's real. So I don't know. I haven't talked to my neighbors but maybe I'll go over there tomorrow to find out if anyone moved in my room yet, and say hi to them in the process.

To be continued...

Racist comments will be deleted

Heads up to all the retards posting racial slurs. I have a pretty good idea of who you are. Just know that your comments will be deleted. Take your racism back to the sohh forums. It isn't welcomed here.

Wisin Y Yandel feat. T-Pain - Imaginate

some DOPE Reggaeton music. I keep talking about it, but I WILL buy their album. Amazon MP3s>CDs.

running WoW with my New Video Card

so the bad news is that my PC can only run 2 sticks of ram and I'm stuck with 2 gigz.

the good news is that 1) I got a new video card, and 2) I figured out the problem and my system is up and running :). these old motherboards got this weird thing where they can only run with 2 sticks. when you put in the 3rd stick, windows gets unstable. and even if it works, once you start playing WoW or any other games, it would just freeze within 10 minutes or so.

Here are some screenies. Even though this isn't the card's real potential since my system is old, I'm glad I got it. GeForce rules. IT RULES!!! I haven't had 1 issue with it unlike the buggy, crappy, and cheap ATI Radeon cards. Check out the details...

Let The Drummer Kick

So my roommate gets high like 3 times a day. Dude is crazy. I asked him to play me some new music when we were both fucked up on his weed. This right here is CLASSIC.

I feel like I don't exist.

I feel like I'm a fucking nobody.
I got no connections.
I don't know people, EVEN MY FAMILY MEMBERS!
my whole life I been raised away from my family and creating an identity where everything is in the distance and shit.
all the life is in the distance but i can't touch it and interact with it... because it is in the fucking distance.
none of my cousins were brought around me to have us mingling and shit. our parents kept us apart, and especially these other fucking "elite" bitches that treat you that you only see them when they LET you. some of these... are my family members.
I feel unwanted. Like my family members wouldnt even chew me let alone spit me out... BECAUSE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO CHEW!
I dont know.. all lost and shit.
I dont know who I am and what wtf im supposed to do in life.
I play WoW.
I work (THANK GOD!!!)
I get high with my roomate
Life is BULLSHIT!
I need more, lots of it. Eventually I really hope, pray, and visualize inside my mind as I go in life that I'm getting more and more money. Then I visualize once I got money, I can date bitches, and theyll want my money. then ill be like hey hey hey!!! and fuck the shit outta the hoes. Then be with them a few months till they realize I dont got money or wont give them SHIT... they leave me. I say bitch please and get another hoe to fuck because theyd think I got money. The way this works my friends is... genius. its a flawless fun of how bitches will be having their climax moment and be on top of the world thinking I got money and theyll inherit my millions when i wont even be worth more then 10 gs at a time. They had their fun THINKING they are rich and shit and I give them MOPNEEEEYYYYYYYy.. and ill be like next week baby im getting my paycheck. Then spend maybe $60 on them in a month. after 1 if you dont wanna spend anymore be like sorry im broke. and shell be like 'mama didnt no raise lady to be dating a broke man' and bounce. and ill get another bitch to use for sex... while shell want money.

then ill become an escort because ill be known to fuck bitches like this for fun and my reputation would be so fucking powerful and amazing, that i would be like GOD in bed. Tantra master and all that fucking for 6 months without cumming and having 3 hour orgasms. id be like master Sex Guru to fuck these bitches for maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad GSSSSS and make them cum for 20 hours and shit. but theyd pay me... THOUSANDS OF FUCKING DOLLARS FOR 1 NIGHT. Id say 5 gs just for the forplay. Then go from there. You want your titties licked and have my dick rub them with a supper Tantric move that will have cum come out of them juicy melons? another 5 gs biaaaaatch!? and a whole shabbang where im fucking you for 10 hours doggy style then switch posisions and fuck for a duration of 24 hours? bitches that 50 gs~!!!!!! i need to exercise for that shit hoe! I cant be doing that outta shape!

Then Id become famous. meditation, soul travel and then be some weird fuck with all the Indian and Bhuddist Gurus's on his walla and meditation daily. Then at some point ill be like fuck this life... And go meditate and be THE FUCK OUT!!! like peace... im out and had enough of this beautiful success of fucking bitches I wanna fuck, getting money and build new shit like computers, an apartment. you know just build my own life and shit. who knows how Ill build it but I never build anything outside of a fucking playign a vido game. So you know... Im scared. how you date and shit? How you do all this "normal" shit when you dont know any "Normal" people?

damn.. I think I done talking about some deep shit again. FUCK MY LIFE! I cant even do that shit on my own blog without talking deep. FUCK WEED! I only do it alone while playing WoW and not talking AT ALL!

1st Day @ Work

new job rules. it seems easy as shit.

i forgot to meditate cuz i been just wasting my life playing WoW.. arghh... barely slept too. this is like my 1st time missing meditation since I fixed my PC. sucks balls if you ask me but oh well. IM GONNA GO TO SLEEP NOW!!! hopefully. or i could just sit there staring at the screen or keep going through different sites or just the same one and shit like youtube.

i hope the baby wont wake me up again. and i hope that ill fall asleep even more without getting up to piss because im sick of that. and when i get up it takes me a while to fall back asleep. if im lucky i fall back right away. sleep sucks so bad. thats the #1 thing i hate about being human. i just cant fall asleep. im thinking of getting some weed. i really do. it will put my ass in a coma sleep for real. fuck life! but i really love my new job. there is this GMILF i wanna fuck so bad. i can barely keep my dick down. more on this later. but i really hope i dont care about her anymore because its hard to work. plus shes my boss so i cant make any moves or ill get my ass fired.

I hope I didn't move into another shithole

so the friggin baby woke me up at 5:49am when I had a really hard time falling asleep. fell asleep around 3am. I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME SLEEPING. Insomnia sucks assssssssssss. Then the fucking baby waaaaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah and I'm awake. Meh... so I woke my ass up, go in the bathroom, then play a little bit of WoW.

I really hope I didn't move into another nightmare house with nightmare roommates. Hope is a funny thing. But anyway, I'm out to my first day at work. Working in the Bank baby. shit is official.

Walmart on Crenshaw @ Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd

so my new roomate was like "Walmart is where you should go. They got everything!". I look up the one that's close to us, and find this right here http://maps.google.com/maps/place?cid=11846867237956612892&q=walmart&gl=us&hl=en&cd=1&cad=src:ppreviews,view:text&ei=AzpAS4-dBpKKtQOHhMHLDg&dtab=2&pcsi=11846867237956612892,0&geocode=Fe_zBgIdYFny-A

LMFAO!

so I was like hell nah I'm not going in that shit hole. I went to Ross instead that's like on the 42nd Street. I love the sheets I got from there but the pillow I got sucks. It feels like rubber, and I need a lot of other stuff so my roommate is like "I don't know why you so against Walmart but they got ALL YOU NEED FOR DIRT CHEAP!". So I was like fuck it, and went there. It is ghetto, it is nothing but hood folks, but it's not that bad. It's like the more I live here, the more I go to places like East LA, King Blvd, Crenshaw Mall, etc.. the more I realize it's all the same shit. It's not a warzone like you see on the news. I mean shit can pop off ANYWHERE at ANY PLACE, but the main streets, with malls, shops, is all just a bunch of people walking, talking, buying, shopping. If you want to see the hood and where the war zones are, you gotta go deep inside farther from the main streets and into the areas of where people dwell.

But yeah, it was mostly black folks up in there. The area is mostly black. I was driving around like DAYMN! I'm the only white dude up in this bitch. I heard that the Jungle, where they filmed Training Day, is right next to this Crenshaw Mall. There is like a 1 street that leads in there. And when the ambulance comes, there is 2 Police cars that usually escort it. Speaking of Police cars, there was tons of them in the parking lot! I was like daymn, all these cars just parked and some 50's circling around the area.

I got me a rice cooker, a pillow for $2.50 (yeah, it's that cheap), an iron for like $7, some cups and dishes, and a whole bunch of other stuff (food mostly).

1 Year Anniversary of Meditation

Today, January 1, 2010, is my 1 year anniversary of meditating. Exactly 1 year ago I started to seriously meditate. But I still feel like I'm a rookie. I still have trouble focusing and being with my breath 100% of the time, still only reached the "no mind state" only a handful of times, but as long as my PC is working I'm doing this religiously.

Meditation is like food to me. It's not like when I was young where I tried it, dropped it, tried it again, dropped it, etc.. I do this every day unless I have a serious excuse not to.

I'm just proud of myself for sticking with it. Now I'm gonna burn some incents, light some candles, put on some music, and meditate my ass off before I go to bed.

typing from my New Place

ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! feels so good. I just moved in today a few hours ago. New place, no piece of spoiled 18 year old shits, no internet going down, and... I HOPE I'LL GET SOME SLEEP.

I'm sure this place got its own bullshit but hopefull it's more good than bad. Like, they do have a baby.. but it is a quiet baby. It doesnt cry like my cousin's baby. And maybe 1 or 2 other things. I dont know yet. Havent lived here long enough.

Wireless internet here is solid from what I've heard. My WoW is running smooth as shit! I mean if it ever goes down, I can just go in the living room and re-plug it or whatever. And this is the quickest move ever! Right next door with same exact price. $500 plus utilities.


More later.