A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose -REVIEW-

This is the 2nd book that I started to read when my Internet was down, and boy am I glad to finish it. It has A LOT of great depth of the Ego, how it thinks, what it wants and says inside your mind, and mentions countless of other ways of realizing who is speaking-you or your Ego. The book mentions about the "chaos in the mind" that we all have as human beings. The paranoia that someone is out to get us, that somebody is out to betray us, that so and so person hurt me in the past so I will hate him forever and never forget what he did or come after him years down the line, etc.. Eckhart Tolle gives great examples of how many wars and evil this chaos has brought to the planet Earth.

A New Earth also has some great tips on how to be HERE and NOW instead of always thinking about tomorrow, next week, or fantasying that someday, a year from now, we will finally get our break. When that break that we are always hoping for, and dreaming about will always remain in the future; and it will never come if we don't start focusing on the present moment because the present moment IS the future if you really think about it.

But I gotta warn you. This book is NOT an easy read. It has a lot of depth, and a lot to think about. It has helped me with my anxiety about worrying about events in the future, even if they are 10 mins away. And it is very rarely when a book helps me reprogram like this.

At the end there is even a chapter about people like me-those who are passive, not ambitious, and are very inwardly. Eckhart Tolle calls us "The Frequency Holders", and says we effect the world more deeply then it appears on the outer surface. I feel honored because I always looked at myself as someone who is insignificant and will never make any difference like all the Alpha "hey, hey, hey" dudes. Oh well, whatever..

Great book! 4 out of 5 stars.

I'm 30 Years Old today

Wow.. this is almost unreal. Not only am I 30, but I have never had sex before. I am literally a 30 year old virgin. Dang... I remember watching some Maury type show or whatever, and topic was virgins. One guy got up and said "I am 29 years old, I'm virgin, and I'm still continuing", so I was like oh man.. that will NEVER be me. And here I am.. I beat that guy by 1 year haha.

I kinda don't care anymore to be honest. Before my mind was set on losing my virginity. Every year I was like 'ok, this year' then next year, then next year, etc.. Now I'm like WHO CARES!

I don't wanna do nothing for my birthday but my cousin says she wants to go a restaurant. Sure, why not I guess. At first she said my father wanna go with me and bring my grandma who never liked me for the day in her life. I was like uh... no? I'm so tired of her trying to bring me close to my dad and his mother. It is really irritating. But other then that, until next time... happy birthday to me.

District 9 Review

This movie ROCKS! It is probably the best representation of the human race. Once they come in counter with "aliens" it depicts how they deal with them in such a perfect way. I didn't expect this movie to be this good. And how the government uses lies to cover up the truth and manipulate the peoples' mind through the mass media.

5 fucking stars out of 5!

I FOUND A PLACE!

Oh man I'm so excited! I finally found a place and it's the cheapest deal ever!! It's 12:43am right now but technically I got the confirmation of me being the person they chose on 9/26/09, Saturday.

Only $450 per month including the utilities!!! The house was built 3 years ago and is REALLY nice. The bathroom is 2.5x bigger then the one here and it doesn't smell like a skunk died there.

And it's semi-hood. I was really hoping for a nicer area but dang I guess the hood needs me. It's mainly Latinos and Blacks but some white people too because it's close to a college. And there was this other place I saw in a downtown area that was really nice. But I think she was a con-artist because she was cool, yet weird and flaky at the end. Not sure whether to call her and tell her I found another place because she told me I can move in but never called me back like she said she would.

Oh man... this deal is soooooooooooooo good. I can park my car inside every day because there is a back entrance I can use. It's one of them alleys in LA that look deserted and are in the back of the house. Like in Boyz N The Hood. Looks kinda spooky. But if I get to park there every day I don't ever have to deal with parking, or people giving me trouble, haha.

Oh yeah, and when I was leaving their house these 2 brothers started arguing outside. "Hey man.. wtf is wrong with you? I don't even know you. We gotta go with the deal! oh you wanna take it there? I got no problem with that. I'm ready to go head on knowhatimsaying? We can take it there!!! What's up man!!" I was watching this from the car, then said hey to one of the guys who was walking by loool. He was like 'heeey' all looking in my car. I don't know exactly what he wanted. Hood folks I tell ya... But the neighborhood ain't that bad. It's no Watts or Compton, or worse San Bernandino which is considered the "new" LA that got the hoodest ghetto around, or so they say..

I cannot believe I will finally be moving out from this nut house!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

No more secrets from my cousin, no more fruit flies and BIG flies in the kitchen, no more flies in my room that I have to hunt down and kill then feel disgusting afterwards, no more baby crying 6, or 7, or 8am in the morning depending on when it wakes up, no more not being able to sleep because the roomate goes to bed like... now? (its 1am dammit) no more not being able to meditate because a 100 things would interrupt me in the other room, no more my cousin talking out loud on the phone not giving a fuck 2 in the morning when we all trying to sleep, NO MORE DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

Crenshaw Blvd.

So I was looking at this place in Hawthorne today and needed to get some gas. I drive a few blocks and I'm on Crenshaw! Damn son!!! I couldn't believe it. All that shit you hear in rap songs and how gangsta it is and its just kinda spread out, quiet, maybe 1 or 2 people on the street. I guess that's LA for you. Gas there is cheap as fuck. I only paid 2.99 per gallon, and It's usually like 3.15 to 3.30.

Then I drove North from Crenshaw and El Segundo all the way back home. I went through Inglewood (saw the "Welcome the Inglewood" sign) which is mostly nice and quiet. It was mainly black folks but some Latin too in certain areas. Again, barely anybody on the street except a few people here and there.

Then I got to Martin Luther King Jr., which is mos def the Hood. I saw guys posted up on a bus stop, and a cop with his motorcycle parked. Then half a block a lil further there is like 5 cop cars parked. Something was going on. Black area.

I'm still looking for a place though. Got 6 more days and I really really really I hope I find it this weekend because I do not want to stay here another month.

*sigh*

I was looking feeling like a Million Bucks

This beat BANGS!

Many Lives, Many Masters - BOOK REVIEW

So Internet went down a few days back and there was absolutely nothing I could do because Internet is my LIFE. I read this book in 2 days! 120 pages the first day and the other 100 on the 9/15th. I have NEVER read more then around 40 pages a day. Maybe 50 back in college when I really pushed myself. But this book is so good I couldn't stop reading it.

It is a true story of this shrink who hypnotized his patient and instead of her going back to her days of this life, she started to go back to the days of her many OTHER lives she've lived. Then in between stages she went through death, traveled into spiritual realms, and in some sessions several "Masters" came through her with messages for this doctor. Fascinating book!

another Idiotic Outburst by Kanye West

Just found this



He has such a huge ego. The dude probably went home and cried that he didn't win a moon man himself. Then he can turn this into a black and white issue saying that a black woman should've won it or whatever other stupid shit he'll say next. What an idiot.

Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon: The End of Day *REVIEW*

Okay, so I decided every album I download I must review it as a way for me to pay back something to the creator. I haven't downloaded an album in over a year because I don't want to steal someone's creation but until I find a stable J.O.B. I just can't spend my money on music or anything for pleasure. I need to get stability first. But since I just got this album (props to Trojanman), I'm gonna review it. My reviews will be short and to the point. I have a unique taste so I don't expect people to agree but here it goes.

1. In My Dreams (Cudder Anthem) - 2/5. An "okay" intro. Common does his poem at the end which is cool.

2. Soundtrack 2 My Life - 3/5. Cool song. He keeps talking about his mission here on Earth but I'm not sure what he's referring to.

3. Simple As... - 3/5. Catchy beat. I like it.

4. Solo Dolo (nightmare) - 2/5. Sorry Cudi but you CAN'T SING! lol

5. Heart Of A Lion (Kid Cudi Theme Music) - 4/5. I like this song enough to replay it again. Really nice beat.

6. My World - 5/5. My favorite song. I relate to this 100% when he talks about having no one to hang with but your closest friends/peoples you know. Being alone, having low self-esteem, women problems, etc.. I'm really surprised Trojanman hates on this dude so much. This song made me gain respect for him at how similar we are. I love the hook, the beat, the lyrics, and everything about this song. It is THE best song on the album to me.

7. Day 'N' Nite (nightmare) - 5/5. Love this! Relate on being alone and being stuck in a place feeling like I'll never get out of my predicament. I was thinking about this too and MANY people are like this, not just me. Some of them are stuck selling drugs or doing bad things because they don't know how to get themselves out of the life they got into.

8. Sky Might Fall - 2/5.

9. Enter Galactic (Love Connection Part I) - 3/5. Takes a few spins to start liking this song.

10. Alive (nightmare) - 4/5. Talking about the moon's effect on him and us as humans/animals. I totally relate. I'm a night person and feel more energized at night compared to during the day.

11. Cudi Zone - 4/5. Nice song. I like it. Will mos def replay it again.

12. Make Her Say - 4/5. I love the song minus the biting on Common's part. STOP BITING YOU RAPPERS MAKE ME SICK! I don't care if you bit Chingy on "hotel, motel, holiday Inn", Rakim, or Jamie Foxx. Pathetic.

13. Pursuit Of Happiness (nightmare) - 2/5. It's okay.

14. Hyyerr - 2/5.

15. Up Up & Away - 2/5. Maybe I'll like it more after a few spins. *shrugs*


Overall - 3/5


Not a bad album at all.

1st Meditation Sensation

I just meditated and usually my mind is racing. I have a really hard time putting it to stop. Even after meditating since January 1st of this year, 2009, my mind is racing 1,000 mph when I'm NOT meditating, but in meditation I can put it to about 500 or 300 mph if I'm lucky. Today I really focused on my breath I'd say 75% of the time.

About 80% into it I started to feel this weird sensation. It was as if I'm bigger then my body, or my body is bigger then me. It was like I'm in some sort of a room that is really big but it is all taking place inside of me. And it didn't feel like here and now how I usually feel and we all feel as humans. It was as if the more I focus on my breath the more I get into this trance.

Now the tricky part is that I'm a day dreamer. I LOVE day dreaming and been doing this since high school. So when I start meditating it's like an excuse for me to escape. But then I'm like "oh wait.. I'm meditating" and get back to my breath. And the moment I start to focus in on my breath and go deeper I get scared or something and use day dreaming as an excuse to go somewhere else in my thoughts. But I really am trying to focus with every sitting and hope to go even deeper.

She apoligized

So yesterday my female cousin came into my room and apologized. Said $50 is not worth our friendship and wants to still be "family". It's cool I guess. I accepted her apology but I still don't trust her and I'm still gonna move out. She said I don't have to if I don't want to move. But I'm still looking at places. Once I find a good spot I'm OUT! I can't believe she apologized though cuz she was already getting all her friends on her side telling them how wrong I am or whatever. And she still owes me that $50 and $20 on top of that. Money really is the root of all evil.

I really hope I get a good place plus that job I had an interview for a day before yesterday.

Female cousin kicking me out

Yesterday there was this huge fight between me and her. This was all about money. Long story short. My friend was staying here for a week about a month back cuz he got kicked out of the place he was staying in and she agreed to take him in. He had this 1700 plasma tv and was trying to sell it on craigslist for around 900. She asked me to help her buy it from him and promised to pay me back. I didn't say anything and he already had a buyer lined up that will take it for $900. But I ended up paying 800 for it. I really didn't want to because I had many people in the past play me with for money. And my friend who was staying with us came back in town this Sunday and she again.. let him stay reluctantly.

2 days ago she calls me and asks me "can you do me a favor?" The rent that you weren't supposed to pay this month for the tv, can you pay it anyway and not pay NEXT month? I was like "uh.. that wasn't part of the deal. We agreed that my rent is covered THIS month", so she got mad and started yelling and going crazy. Then said she'll pay me back 165 back or whatever cuz she already gave me 100 for tv. And I'm like what do you mean? It's 225 and not 165. She goes.. "Tv costs 750 and..." lol 750? It was 800!!!!! Then she went "your friend stays here and I pay the bills for him NOT you". And I'm like "so is this about my friend staying here now? What is that got to do with anything?"

So now she saying she said that it was 750 and that 50 she was gonna give me "on the credit card" like if I use my cc shell give me 50 for it. Like it makes a fucking difference. It still is 800 for me whether I wrote him a check or used my cc ya dumb bitch! So when she got home she said "I let you stay this month for free" like it wasn't already part of the deal.. yeah, you "let me"... BITCH PLEASE! "and I already found somebody else, so you got 1 month to move out". I said ok and left to do my work assignment I had for that day. The reason why I think she said that is because she needed money. I didn't give it to her, so she found some other person to give her it. (Also, her brother been staying with us since she told me this and if he stays with us every day, then he must have given her rent money for this month) Then when I came back we had this huge fight in front my friend and the roomate. Screaming, yelling, and everything. I said 1) I don't need your $50 and I don't even have any friends to go out and spend it with, I sit in my room all day on my computer so wtf you talking about? 2) either you pay me back 800 or if not this Tv is technically mine so I'll give you back your 100 and sell the Tv on craigslist. (I mean shit, it's a $1700 Tv i can sell it for 900!) So she said.. Then take all your shit and move out on the street by tonight. My own cousin kicked me out on the street over a fucking tv! I was thinking about it and was like.. fuck it.. I'll pay $50 for your Tv... I could've called my dad or my cousin's to ask for a favor to move in with them for 1 month, but I didn't want to bring all this drama to them plus my friend was staying with us too and then he'd have to move and omg, so much drama in 1 day. So she gave me back $165 and I made her sign a contract that my rent this month is free. I should have done this with the Tv but oh well, it's my mistake. I thought that it would be disrespectful since she is family. From now on, any money deals I make, and there won't be many or at all, will be done with a written contract.

So the moral of the story is, my own cousin cares more about money then her own family. If I sold this tv on craig's list and took back what is rightfully mine, I was gonna be on the fucking street that same night! And this is my family? HA! Whatever dirty business, or businesses, she is involved with is just sad. I don't even feel bad for her, me, or anyone who stays in this nut house paying her rent as much as I feel bad for her son who will suffer when he grows up with issues that she will instill onto him. She was yelling when we were arguing "I didn't know you for 17 years and probably will NEVER know you!" and I was like.. it's your own choice. She is the one who keep being involved with whatever she is involved with and be secretive. She says she goes to school, but does she? She shows no tests, or proof that she's even enrolled. She says she works, where? The baby is crying half the time "mooommyyyy.. moooommyyy" cuz she leaves him behind so much and goes to do whatever she does thinking we will look after it. And she doesn't even tell us about it half the time!

I am already looking for places on craigslist. On the good note, my distant cousin told me I have her full support. Man.. this really is a nut house. Our relationships will never be the same after-wards. I can't even look her in the eyes right now.