Hanging out with my female friend

maaaan.. this is crazy. today was the first time i "officially" hung out with my female friend. I havent had a female friend since i moved here from my country, this feels almost unreal. and on top of that i said something i shouldnt have said and learned that im sooooooo insecured.

about 2 months ago i lost contact with this girl in my class so i thought we were just classroom friends. i mean i kept texting her but she would never call me or text me back, till i said fuck it. i get a text message from her this sunday and i was like.. what... the...... fuck!? she never texts me. she was like "heeeeeeeeeey, whats up??" i was like what the fuck is this? she never acts this way whats gotten into her? then i call her up and we were like okay well watch a movie today. so we getting high before the movie you know, i show her my 2nd made bong and shit and she was all "how the heck do you use that thing?". and then its like this moment of silence right. im like what is she thinking? i dont know because she never tells me. so i ask her and she tells me some off the wall stuff like her friend and blah blah and im like.......... wanna make out?............. she went ohh myy Goooooooooood, started laughing, and i was like ???????? and she just kept laughing and im like look i don tknow what you thinking cuz you never tell me and i like you but i dont wanna ruin the relationship but you never tell me what you want so i dont know what to expect from you.

we sat there watching a movie, paused it a few times, talked, and laughed at the fact that she never ever tells me what she wants. its like i always bust out a closed ended question like "do you want this?" and shes like ... um........... uuuuhhhhh..... i dont know. we were high laughing at that shit then got high some more.

its just weird, i havent had a female friend in a while and my homeboy told me that its a God written rule that "boys and girls cant be friends" cuz in the end they gonna end up fucking or at least one of them is gonna end up wanting to fuck. so im a little confused, but i asked Argot(sp?)/bigpapakango on sohh and dude told me that he has a few female friends himself and the guy looks like he has lots of experience with women. but its just weird cuz there is some truth in that saying, many guys who have nothing but female friends are usually gay, when i hear a case like with bpk having female friends im thinking its normal, but then my other friend busts in with his opinions that makes me think the opposite. plus i really like her and never looked at her in any sexual way. its just weird, i mean i thought of fucking her and its like she looks like an 18 year old kid, i mean id do it but i wouldnt wanna ruin our friendship. so yeah... she is just a very secreteve girl and i told her that.

and i found out that i am sooooooooo insecured. when her roomie came home i was like "oh shit, what is she thinking about me? am i being weird? how do i act" and id change, close up more, stop being so easy going and start being all uptight. even when her roomate wasnt even with us she went into her room with her friend, who coinsidently... is gay hahahaha! seriously, something about gay guys makes these chicks trust them cuz they safe, they dont wanna just fuck and split. i even had this one black classmate, he was actually a cool brother never had a problem with me, but all the young black girls in class ended up being his friend. at first i was just like, this does not look right how come he gets all these girls and im not. and then i was like ohhhhhhhhh this makes sense he is gay!!!!!!!

anyway, im signing out. me and her gonna watch a movie this sunday but i really dont know where this relationship is going. my first female friend in like 15 years, and i already asked her to make out with me, haha. not good.

oh yeah and the last thing, social proof is funny as hell! its like im known in my school who is this quiet dude, a loner, who is always to himself. and then when people do see me walking with someone its usually some black girl, or it could be a black teacher, and its like... to those who see me around campus im known as this white dude who gets all the sisters, that shit makes me LMFAO cuz its completely not true. like when i was leaving she was walking me down stairs, and this black girl from my class comes in the elevator wit her friends, im standing on the left side and my female friend on the right side, we leaning on the walls all quiet with smiles on our faces like we just fucked. so the black girl from my class looking at me like "oohhh they just fucked" so she looking at me like she wants me too. then i remember one day i was high and i was flirting with this same girl's friend when they were both walking together. so to people like her im known as this guy who flirts and gets all the black women, when all it is is just a picture and most people are too dumb to figure out the real story behind it.